Cowardly Lion....

you know the theory where once burnt will never come near a flame again....and then thrs the stupid measly moth that cant resist....so my parents think its time for me to get hitched....and they're being quite adament about it......da last time they tried that i got a load of chocolates and the poor man ended up with an sms regretably saying no. hmmmm....parents...they just cant take a hint....and they've heard it all....who has time for relationships...concentrating on my career right now....we just dnt have enough in common........let me just give it all in one simple sentence.....WE FEMALES HAVE NO INTENTION OF TOLERATING YOU MALES IN OUR LIVES AT ANY POINT IN THE FORSEEABLE FUTURE!!!!
you're too obsessed, over-protective, over-bearing, need soooooo much of attention and cant stand the fact the women come with smthn smthn up thr other than boobies...
so ya.....im a coward...when it comes to men and relationships it scared me shitless...a hint of testosterone i turn to quicksilver....pronto...so please the next victim....its nothing personal.....
wish my mom read my blog :(

going around and around and around...

so for a change today i submitted my oh so precious time to reading other blogs...eheemmmm.....riight...i did a quick browse through some of them..the very ghetto political fights...the breakups...the lost phones...the tuk tuk rides...the alanis morissette songs....the weddas and the earth quakes. ppl are just awesome at telling their life stories....its one long book of minute tales..everyone comes a long way in their lives....hell i have....im not da sobby bratty teenager i used to be...my red rimmed glasses have dropped to be replaced by contacts...my pimpywimpies have disappeared..my hair doesnt look like a bird's nest no more...and i can actually wear heals without toppling over....
somethings havent changed though...i still fight tooth and nail with my mom to get my way...what's different now is that i usually do....i think she thinks im grown up now....i still have my big whinnie the pooh my first boy friend gave me in my room....i still cry everytime i see sweet november...and im still addicted to chocolates...my favourite quote is still....live life on the edge or you're taking too much of space...and there is dat line i mutter to myself every time i have to make a decision....choose thou the way of greatness or the way of good....to reign a king of kings...or wonder lone crownless and homeless that the world be helped....light of asia....
isnt it amazing how you have atleast one thing in common with everyone you meet....and so many things that conflict and defer....the blends of black and white...never really forming a grey.....hopefully in another 5 years i'll read dis blog and realize....that life was good then....and even better now....

eyes wide shut.....

people always leave....everything has its own season....every relationship be it personal professional.....we turn to our own bi-lanes...we choose our destinies....I’m an attentive listener to my instincts….I smell trouble from a mile and I know how to avoid it…..right now my instincts keep howling at me to stick around with my job….but at times I feel im wasted here….I need the constant adrenaline rush…..last week was superb…..one thing after the other….kill one bug in the system and 3 more pop-up…..it was a squatting match and I was armed with one mighty squatter….it felt good….you never feel tired if you have absolutely wasted yourself out…..you feel tired when you’re bored….doing stupid work and just lazing out….I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE LAZING…..arrrghhhh….that’s what I’m doing right now…..I’m addicted to workin every second…..help......im so bored on weekdays that I make sure my weekends are packed to the brink…..I can barely breath…..at times it feels like im on vacation during da week and doing da real thing on weekends…..I know its gotta stop……but my gut keeps telling me to hang on….hold tight…..yuck……for once I wish the little voice in my head would zip it……

Syndicated Ironies....

I love my job...i do....it gives me da adrenaline rush i need and it gives me the satisfaction that lets me sleep soundly at night...it gives me goosebumps when i've dealt with a problem...well...i wish i could say that...i walked in with my eyes closed...would you believe if i told you that i tossed a coin and joint the company im working at the moment...heads in tails out and it was heads...that defined my destiny....its the only place i applied to and i just didnt want to even try anywhere else...but i do love the place i work in...i love the people i work with....they're amazing...but being a devil in heaven doesnt really get you anywhere now does it...you're never really gonna be happy cos you know you were never meant to be there in the first place...and you know you were meant for different things...the whole purpose you live for and you are who you are...and then comes the feeling that you are being stifled....that the walls are closing in on you...and then you feel like throwing your computer and stamping on it...and you see the ppl around you staring at their screens....you dont belong here....your voice gets meeker every day....but still you always find an excuse to hang around....what's with that anyways...im walking away....its time....to free fall:)

The Rebound Boy...

Sweet like Chocolate...so when you've tasted sour grapes you know how the mildest sweetness can be heaven...for awhile anyways...hehee...until you wake up and smell the socks...lols....

Free Falling...

Trust...is a little child's laughter when you throw them up in the air...because they know you'll catch them...its scary...letting someone into the world between the tiny scribbled letters in your diary...knowing that they're probably gonna shatter your miniscule precious little heart into bits...we cant stay away frm the the proverbial apple, so to speak...we dismiss the occational qualm....expecting the ends to justify its means....how stupid can you get.....NOONE REALLY CHANGES....if you're waiting for your significant other to grow up, grow down, stop being insensitive, stop being obsessive...IT WONT HAPPEN....wisen up....accept it or dump it.....either way...learn to move on...love isnt conditional....the concept doesnt exist....besides a great man once said...."if you want to change the world ...change your mind..."

The Best Policy...

I hate lying… I despise it…its just a stupid white lie right?? Its a win-win no-one-gets-hurt teensy weensy white lie…damn it…if it weren’t for da guilt you feel afterward…man we should have never been born with a conscience. It’s an antithesis. We are the biggest liars on earth…we cheat, we con, we create illusions of ourselves and others around us…it feels awesome for a moment when you get away with it…then comes da doppelganger in you…the annoyingly virtuous one…and it hits you…a lie…disgusting…slimy…stinky…horrible lie…so guess what…I decided what da heck…I have nothing to lose…im gonna be freaking honest about my life…no more lying for convenience…or just to smoothen out a situation…brutal honesty…ouch…
So I had a presentation this morning…and last night my mom tells me...she FORGOT to tell me that I had a meeting about a scholarship at 10…there goes my presentation…anyways…so gotta call my boss and tell him that I cant do the presentation… these are the versions of the truth I came up with:

1) Have to meet up with our Dean about higher studies
2) Have a meeting with the Medical Research Institute about my thesis
3) Have a meeting with my professors about my thesis

All of them were well umm….related…it had to do with my studies and um….they were all meetings…but a little more critical than umm…a scholarship meeting…
Then I sat down and thought to myself...I’m making all this up just to take da easy way out…da gist of the situ was if my boss thought it was not acceptable that I should cancel a presentation for a scholarship meeting then well it just wasn’t acceptable…but I knew they were of equal importance…so I decided to go with da truth and surprise surprise…he was ok with it…

Morale of the story…so its risky telling da truth sometimes…and considering us humans are creatures of habit…it aint easy stopping in the middle of a big whopper and correcting it…and its embarrassing tripping on your own words…darn…but da feeling of absence of guilt you get afterwards…well let me be a freak and tell you…it feels good…absolutely possitively sleep-easy-at-night good...

And the little star fish lived happily ever after....

“Live for the one you love…love like no one has loved…give…asking for nothing in return…”

don’t get me wrong but I am NOT a huge fan of the lady who sings this song but as simple as these words are they are absolutely true…
I had a conversation with a few friends…we were discussing our country…something we seem to do a lot these days…some of us wanted to up and leave…obviously the situation is such that its crazy to think of staying and trying to build a life for yourself in Sri Lanka…and then there were the few of us who felt out roots went too deep to just up and plant ourselves in richer soil…matters of perspective…for me just thinking of not returning to this country starts a pain in my chest…isn’t that silly?…but more than anything…its scary…staring into the ocean and knowing in your heart that you will never feel safe anywhere else on earth…knowing that even if you take flight and rendezvous around the world you would never be looking for greener pastures…but perhaps knowledge and experience you will bring back….little seeds to grow into pastures of there own…on a land you love more than anything you have encountered in life…it scares me even now when I think about it…my friend B said...you should never be attached to anything too much in your life…absolutely…I couldn’t agree more…attachment is the cause of suffering...
I don’t consider myself to be exceptionally brave nor exceptionally patriotic…but something makes me hurt inside when I look at the little children on the pavement sharing food with the dogs and flies…it hurts turning away from a little beggar boy because I cant give him money because I know there is a probability that he would use it for weed or worse…it hurts looking at the milk that wash to the shores with the waves in Kirinda knowing that I cant live without this…knowing that it’s a miracle the same waves that break onto the road with such force that the tar breaks into little peaces, can still gently lap at your feet covering them in foam…it hurts…the little ironies of life…Lord Buddha was spot on when he said that its what we love the most that gives us the most pain…
What can I do about it?? I cant carry a gun and walk to battle with my fellow men…I wish I were brave enough to do that…the painful truth is I’m not…I wish I could sit with those little children and tell them…you’re my future…you will know what I know now in a few years…you will see the world in a different perspective…I will do that…
About the pain…all I can do is meditate…reality is such that you cant help all the little star fish that get washed upon the shore, and helping one will not make your frustration any less…but with time and great practice you learn to tell your mind that…you will get to the other star fish...but for the moment you made a worlds’ difference to that one…

And then there was D (the DTV story)

Talk about strategic corporate movements and emergent strategy… Dialog TV must be the best game plan I have ever seen a large corporate come up with in Sri Lanka since Lanka Bell launched its advertising campaign few months ago…with Airtel moving in on them, to buffer the hard blow that is imminent and inexorable, Dialog has indeed chosen well with DTV. It will not surprise the majority if the Big D decides to takeover Suntel…which may cause havoc to its competitor who has been celebrating like the fourth of July since their profits rose…(Yes I’m talking about Lanka Bell) Never underestimate the power of the consumer nor the assiduousness of advertisers to consume the consumer…

But we all know the mishaps of mergers and acquisitions…one being the culture clash which is an insufferable pain in the ass…Thus one must only assume that Big D must have weighed his options thoroughly before his decision to merge with CBN and will continue to do so in the future… the Culture bug will die a slow death…and for the time being DTV will have to oblige to the whims of the leeches that cant be removed…Hell I say it’s all worth it…a few more BOGOF (Buy One Get One Free-as with DTV) promotions and Big D is made for life….but I’d love to see what else they have up their sleeve…lay on Macduff…

Pissed...

Did we let the world cup slip through our fingers? Unbelievable...dilhara....which ass put him on the team...and has our bowling ever been that bad?? We gave the Ausie's so much of confidence that they ended up pounding 6's for Malinga's balls...and there were talks and murmurs about if the match was fixed...

honour above all...that's a lotta bullshit in todays terms...what happened to giving it all we've got...if you read my post before this you'd realize that the raids hit me and my friends immensely...im no die hard cricket fan...but i know that cricket has made Sri Lanka a global entity...we're out there because our boys perform...even after the raid yesterday most of us were sending silent prayers that we'll pull through the match and show all the macho racists that have the gumption to question our strength as a nation or a team or as a irrefutably sound economy...(Yes I am the eternal optimist), the stuff a lankan's made of...

We srilankans are known for our sportsmanship...we never give up...even when its dark, slippery and cold we're out there hitting god knows what with everything we've got...all i know is we all had our hearts broken atleast once yesterday...i think i just contradicted my own statement...need to catch up on lost sleep...lets get them next time boys....still proud of you...it was a long journey and you walked it well...

Losing my religion....(Air raids in Colombo)

When I was a child not so long ago there is something someone said that I will never forget…that I am very lucky to be born in this country…we don’t have freezing winters nor burning volcanoes. Our lives are based on strongly rooted religion, may it be Buddhism, Hinduism or Islam. We have a proud history with many brave men and many epics for bed time stories for generations. The ocean and the mountains. Beautiful lakes and forests. And above all great people who have a great ability to smile through their tears.

That image that was created when I was maybe five years old never left me. I have always considered myself blessed and no matter where I have been in life and no matter what ends of the earth I’ve traveled to I have always come back to my roots and lived my life in accordance to a culture that has irrevocably bound me to it. The realities of neither the northern conflict nor disasters like the tsunami changed my impression. They strengthened them….since hope was an undying entity. My dreams are built around this nation and they are big dreams…

I remember being in Kilinochchi last year visiting a bullet beaten little hut in the beach and wondering how these people can still live in this house and feel safe when they’ve been shot at in their own home…when I asked the father of the little family he just grinned and said… “Nona dan gey athulata wenedata wadaa eliya enawa’ (Madam, now our house has more sunshine streaming in) Need I say more?

Last night the strength of my faith in my country was tested, shaking it’s foundation. Watching the sky being splattered with a stream of red flares and watching the smoke and the flames flickering in the distant harbour brought reality crashing down. The thrill of watching the World Cup evaporated into a haze of red flashes in the sky. They were fireworks we were so sure…I mean it couldn’t be anything else. Then came the stream of phone calls…Colombo had a power failure. That’s when we noticed the long dark stretch of beach where Colombo used to be. Then friends from CR, CH and allover calling and asking if we were ok. Are you safe? Are you on your way home? Don’t go anywhere stay where you are..stay away from Galle Road.. It’s the harbour, the air port. Kolonnawa, the air force camp, Ratmalana. The papara band was still playing and people were still cheering…too drunk to realize…still dancing with their beer cans and vodka glasses in hand..for us the screen had fazed into a LCD glow…the papara was a mantra that echoed in our heads and then faded to a murmur. The constant phone calls…are you ok? Yes…still in one piece…don’t worry...I’m fine…

Am I? You keep your voice steady so that family and friends calm down. But your body’s shivering. Your hands are cold. A rain of red lights again…shooting into a dark night sky… and then came the stench of gun powder… smoke…No it wasn’t happening…we were dreaming….its a crazy nightmare…nothing’s on the radio or the TV..everyone was playing the match….a six…a four… dozens of red flairs from within Colombo this time…Ratmalana? Are we ok? Are they ok? People who didn’t call…where are you? Why is your phone switched off? Pls pls be home pls be fast asleep…can I pick you up…no go home….we’re at a friend’s…we’ll be home as soon as this is over… when? I don’t know…

I don’t know…who am I? this is my country…where I am safe..i will always be safe…where my future is…a country for which I have dreams of my own…a country for which I have plans, big plans…where the war will be another story to tell our grand children and where Jaffna is a road trip away…my future…my country…A country I am privileged to be a citizen of.. where I teach five year olds that they are lucky to be born in…a country I am proud of…a country where I can still sit on the beach and have kotthu even after seeing a water logged Galle after the Tsunami… unyielding, obstinate, adamant faith…faith that fought with my parents when they wanted to send me away to a different continent…faith that said…no matter where I go I will be back because this is home and the only place I will call home…not a memory I’ll remember in a few year and reminiscent…where I will leave foot prints on which I will walk over and over again…

We never slept…restlessly tossing and turning and answering the occasional call…too tired now to fake the calm in our voices…four in the morning…prayers have meaning then…did it really happen…now, in the morning everything is normal again…people are jogging in the streets…buses are back and Galle Road has a steady stream of traffic…the radio, the TV…still silence…did I dream the whole thing…me and all my friends with me? Those thick white clouds in the sky…its clouds…not smoke right??? The distinct picture of Orugodawatta many years ago flash across my mind…the flickering fire in the night and the stormy morning skies of the aftermath…

Coming home to worried parents…tucking yourself into bed and bidding yourself to sleep at seven in the morning…sleep…that never came…helplessness is the substance of fear…knowing that something evil is inevitable shakes you to the core…But putting on a brave face comes as the eventuality of the inevitable.

Faith will be questioned, judged and occasionally tested with earthquakes of reality…but faith is built on fundamental principals that are unquestionable and solid. This is still my country… for me 102 runs from 51 balls is not impossible it’s 2-runs-per-ball-probable…it’s the adrenaline that keeps me going and holds my head high…its what keeps me grounded when gravity fails…it’s the fact on which my dreams are built...maybe I am more of a dreamer than a realist but if being a part of this country and keeping my roots has even the slightest chance, it is a price I’ll willingly pay…and I will continue to teach starry eyed five year olds who want to grow up to be doctors and lawyers that this is still the most blessed land ever…because I know that will build the faith that will hold strong as it has for me..

The sun will shine through the bullet holes and it will shine brighter…tomorrow…but today…we will lick our wounds and patch the cracks that were rendered to that faith…and tomorrow we will continue to dream…of tomorrow..

Take a Chill Pill....

Nerve wracking, mind numbing, goose bumping moments in life...how many of them have we had?? i think da best way to deal with crazy moments is to be a adreholic....get used to getting high on excitement....make the most critical situation in to a little mind game where you dare yourself to take the chill pill....dare yourself to control da situation and not vice versa...love the tension and live on the thrill...the satisfaction of realizing that you just beat the moment.....woah that'a gotta be worth it....

I love you ‘cos u teach me what love is….

I’m warning you…you’ve heard this one before….who knows best to love? A child…What’s more thrilling than an unexpected peck on the cheek for absolutely no reason…everything about the way a kid loves is amazing…for them it’s a different language altogether..toffees and chewing gums for surprises and those little rhymes that thrill them to little giggling puddles…the way they bounce back from tears to toothless smiles…the way they hug each other for the heck of it…the way they sneakily take your hand when they know you’re sad…
Ask them to jump they jump so hard like they wanna touch the sky but they’re half your height…you wonder when and how that kind of enthusiasm and energy drains off..

and we wanna grow up….why?? If I only knew then what I know now….

huff and puff and blow the house down...

Didn’t work for the big bad wolf and it doesn’t work for the rest of us…loosing your head in a tough situation just blows things out of proportion… It sucks up the precious little energy you need to actually deal with the problem at hand… and it takes over every miniscule space in your body so that you’re drained of any positivity…So next time you’re listening to someone saying something you really don’t wanna hear…somewhere between your ears and your brain cells convert each and every word to one single word…BLAH….BLAH….BLAH….

a little piece of heaven...

Have you ever had kotthu with the best of friends sitting on a little step with salty wind blowing in your hair and the ocean waves shushing your banter… hot hot ‘yaara coffee’ with froth all over in the freezing cold bunched together and blowing mist from your nostrils…where you forget that we have only one common language and that’s not your mother tongue…but the words fall into place along with the rest of the world…and a prayer..let this moment last forever…great friends great kotthu….

I AM SRI LANKAN...

Three cheers to da lion cubs!!!!! awesome awesome stuff yesterday...damn u wish u were there watching it one on one live...I just love da way sri lankans party...its all-out-there-head-on-JAM for them... Bandanas, face paint, whistles and of course the grand Sri Lankan flag...even the tiny tuk tuks were overflowing with dozens of arms waving Sri Lankan flags...the car horns tooting to the papara rythem and the bicycles tilling to the beat... it was one crazy-hollar fiasco out there. The old gentlemen, drunk n doing the occasional tummy rub and the little battas trying to stay awake so that they can catch a glimpse of Malinga ayya's hair...and those tiny tots who gave up and lolled drowsily while everything around them blew out in one big smash!!! amazing amazing AMAZING... that's what life oughta be.....good kotthu...good friends...u leave your qualms and the balderdash behind and you let your hair down...the clean way of course...and you laugh and cheer your blues away!!! I love this country…

YaHEy!!

Hey fellow bloggers, peeps, dudes, dogs, fellas and bosom buds…well to get a few things straight and dandy…. I am NOT a chocoholic, am NOT a rock fanatic, am NOT a social psychopath nor a crazy dancer….YAA RIGHT…so first things first….Bites does not denote anything negative….contrary to popular belief reality does NOT suck my friends…no seriously…You just need to take of with a pinch of salt and a dash of tequila (just so you know I am an anti-alcoholic…IOW I’ve already got too much hype in me teehee!!!) So for the formerly mentioned ppl…So here's where u'll see the painful…brutal truths about life…raw and uncensored (NOT)….and hopefully I’ll be able to mess with this in my free time…besides I LOOOOVE to talk..

Heil life and everything that’s beautiful

Cheers

PoOH