About Mistakes.......

Some say they wouldn't change any of the mistakes they made in life.....because it's those mistakes that moulded them into who they are....for me.....there are a few mistakes i wish i could take back....because inspite of them teaching me the biggest lessons in life......it took something precious away.....like the laughter in the eyes of a good friend.....the warmth of love.....the beauty of honesty and trust.......

and….then there are the big whoppers…… mistakes that teach us the wrong lessons….the lessons we don’t want to learn in life…..like how NOT to trust….how NOT to love….how NOT to let your guard down…..how NOT to depend on anyone….

And then you break a heart…..you mistrust someone…….you hurt someone….that doesn’t feel like a mistake….because we learnt how to self-preserve……and there is no going back after that….everything after that is shrugged off…..as circumstantial riffraff…..

A long time ago in a large conference room in a tiny hotel in south of England a little grey haired man told me…..forget the lessons …..forget the moulding….the crafting…..the scars…..the cuts…..forget all the marks that life left upon you…..shed the layers and layers of rust that has built.....go back to who you were before “THEY” came into the picture…..live your life like a child…..a child who dreams of growing silver wings and flying into the blue blue sky……live your life like you walk on air…..like water’s something you breath in…..like the ground is only for you to lay down to sleep……

Life is huge……so huge….and so beyond our comprehension…..but when we let our mistakes push us around……we let them shove us back…..a few steps back….in which time we could have leapt a few steps ahead…..

Life in full blast is ethereal……it’s like leaping off the edge and discovering you can float…as light as a feather...with the air flowing right through you…..right through your veins……if you let it…..it will accept you….mistakes and all…..

but….first…….you need to forgive yourself…..mistakes and all…….

Living Two Lives.....

You know the feeling of being stuck between a rock and a hard place? well try being stuck between a rock and a soft bed of roses......and you can't let go of the former because it adds perspective to your life and somehow justifies the path you chose to walk on...and to forget the biting harshness of it....you escape to the bliss of millions of petals...... i dream about it you know.... the softness....the fragrance that slowly and stealthily creeps into your veins.....into every pore of your body that has been brutalized by the rock.....i bet this is what salvation feels like....stepping into heaven after crawling through the rubbish of earth..... you'd be surprised to know that i'm talking about work......my livelihood.....well my 'fulltime' one anyways......believe me when i say i love the work that i do......but what's sad is that i can never find anything in common with anyone around me.....these people stare at a laptop 24 7 like ginormous spiders awaiting their prey.....silent......ignorant of all else except the tiny fly that lands in front of them......ignorant.....and gradually they have converted me into an arthropod.....it's very rarely i feel human around them..... wow....that sounded a little harsh.....but this is me.....i'm used to painting, drawing, brain storming, strategizing......15 minutes of intense wok wok up their and your running around with a plan.....the bustle.....life......i'm used to life......but now LIFE happens on weekends.......anything that i say or do makes sense on weekends......so why do i still do it?? there's no justifyig it......but let me make atleast a lame attempt......i like my brain......i like the fact that it gets whopping ideas that make ppl sit and contemplate for a few minutes.....i like catching ppl off-guard.....i like watchin them wonder how smone as crazy as me can be good at what i do.....well i am.....on both accounts......and the bruising......i get my TLC on my weekends.....my bouncy beautiful bed of roses.......in walks life and all the rest that comes with it....... like i told my best friend.......time will come......this in only for NOW.......time WILL come.....but sometimes i wonder if it's all an excuse i make.....simply cos i like my rock.....the bark....the bite and all......hmmm......

Taking a big bite of sm'n sm'n......

(yishe....has it bin THAT long since i blogged.....ya well......life always finds a way to keep u occupied.....)

treckin the world......we've all dreamt about it....work for 5 years of ur life....become filthy rich and just roam the earth.....a restless soul.....trying to find whatever wherever.....with a guitar for company.....and worn out leather boots.....i dream about it ....but whenever i do....it always comes back to this.......because there are sm'ns u can't leave behind.....sm'ns u can't live without.....sm'ms dat keep u grounded.....sm'ns that you give your heart to completely.....damn it dat's all a hecka lotta cliche's.......

haven't said this in quite awhile.....but i'm in love.....head over heals....butterflies and the works....and it's all for a land called Sri Lanka.....

it's true....if it's true love......you fall all over every morning....every night :)

Cowardly Lion....

you know the theory where once burnt will never come near a flame again....and then thrs the stupid measly moth that cant resist....so my parents think its time for me to get hitched....and they're being quite adament about it......da last time they tried that i got a load of chocolates and the poor man ended up with an sms regretably saying no. hmmmm....parents...they just cant take a hint....and they've heard it all....who has time for relationships...concentrating on my career right now....we just dnt have enough in common........let me just give it all in one simple sentence.....WE FEMALES HAVE NO INTENTION OF TOLERATING YOU MALES IN OUR LIVES AT ANY POINT IN THE FORSEEABLE FUTURE!!!!
you're too obsessed, over-protective, over-bearing, need soooooo much of attention and cant stand the fact the women come with smthn smthn up thr other than boobies...
so ya.....im a coward...when it comes to men and relationships it scared me shitless...a hint of testosterone i turn to quicksilver....pronto...so please the next victim....its nothing personal.....
wish my mom read my blog :(

going around and around and around...

so for a change today i submitted my oh so precious time to reading other blogs...eheemmmm.....riight...i did a quick browse through some of them..the very ghetto political fights...the breakups...the lost phones...the tuk tuk rides...the alanis morissette songs....the weddas and the earth quakes. ppl are just awesome at telling their life stories....its one long book of minute tales..everyone comes a long way in their lives....hell i have....im not da sobby bratty teenager i used to be...my red rimmed glasses have dropped to be replaced by contacts...my pimpywimpies have disappeared..my hair doesnt look like a bird's nest no more...and i can actually wear heals without toppling over....
somethings havent changed though...i still fight tooth and nail with my mom to get my way...what's different now is that i usually do....i think she thinks im grown up now....i still have my big whinnie the pooh my first boy friend gave me in my room....i still cry everytime i see sweet november...and im still addicted to chocolates...my favourite quote is still....live life on the edge or you're taking too much of space...and there is dat line i mutter to myself every time i have to make a decision....choose thou the way of greatness or the way of good....to reign a king of kings...or wonder lone crownless and homeless that the world be helped....light of asia....
isnt it amazing how you have atleast one thing in common with everyone you meet....and so many things that conflict and defer....the blends of black and white...never really forming a grey.....hopefully in another 5 years i'll read dis blog and realize....that life was good then....and even better now....

eyes wide shut.....

people always leave....everything has its own season....every relationship be it personal professional.....we turn to our own bi-lanes...we choose our destinies....I’m an attentive listener to my instincts….I smell trouble from a mile and I know how to avoid it…..right now my instincts keep howling at me to stick around with my job….but at times I feel im wasted here….I need the constant adrenaline rush…..last week was superb…..one thing after the other….kill one bug in the system and 3 more pop-up…..it was a squatting match and I was armed with one mighty squatter….it felt good….you never feel tired if you have absolutely wasted yourself out…..you feel tired when you’re bored….doing stupid work and just lazing out….I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE LAZING…..arrrghhhh….that’s what I’m doing right now…..I’m addicted to workin every second…..help......im so bored on weekdays that I make sure my weekends are packed to the brink…..I can barely breath…..at times it feels like im on vacation during da week and doing da real thing on weekends…..I know its gotta stop……but my gut keeps telling me to hang on….hold tight…..yuck……for once I wish the little voice in my head would zip it……

Syndicated Ironies....

I love my job...i do....it gives me da adrenaline rush i need and it gives me the satisfaction that lets me sleep soundly at night...it gives me goosebumps when i've dealt with a problem...well...i wish i could say that...i walked in with my eyes closed...would you believe if i told you that i tossed a coin and joint the company im working at the moment...heads in tails out and it was heads...that defined my destiny....its the only place i applied to and i just didnt want to even try anywhere else...but i do love the place i work in...i love the people i work with....they're amazing...but being a devil in heaven doesnt really get you anywhere now does it...you're never really gonna be happy cos you know you were never meant to be there in the first place...and you know you were meant for different things...the whole purpose you live for and you are who you are...and then comes the feeling that you are being stifled....that the walls are closing in on you...and then you feel like throwing your computer and stamping on it...and you see the ppl around you staring at their screens....you dont belong here....your voice gets meeker every day....but still you always find an excuse to hang around....what's with that anyways...im walking away....its time....to free fall:)