I hate lying… I despise it…its just a stupid white lie right?? Its a win-win no-one-gets-hurt teensy weensy white lie…damn it…if it weren’t for da guilt you feel afterward…man we should have never been born with a conscience. It’s an antithesis. We are the biggest liars on earth…we cheat, we con, we create illusions of ourselves and others around us…it feels awesome for a moment when you get away with it…then comes da doppelganger in you…the annoyingly virtuous one…and it hits you…a lie…disgusting…slimy…stinky…horrible lie…so guess what…I decided what da heck…I have nothing to lose…im gonna be freaking honest about my life…no more lying for convenience…or just to smoothen out a situation…brutal honesty…ouch…
So I had a presentation this morning…and last night my mom tells me...she FORGOT to tell me that I had a meeting about a scholarship at 10…there goes my presentation…anyways…so gotta call my boss and tell him that I cant do the presentation… these are the versions of the truth I came up with:
1) Have to meet up with our Dean about higher studies
2) Have a meeting with the Medical Research Institute about my thesis
3) Have a meeting with my professors about my thesis
All of them were well umm….related…it had to do with my studies and um….they were all meetings…but a little more critical than umm…a scholarship meeting…
Then I sat down and thought to myself...I’m making all this up just to take da easy way out…da gist of the situ was if my boss thought it was not acceptable that I should cancel a presentation for a scholarship meeting then well it just wasn’t acceptable…but I knew they were of equal importance…so I decided to go with da truth and surprise surprise…he was ok with it…
Morale of the story…so its risky telling da truth sometimes…and considering us humans are creatures of habit…it aint easy stopping in the middle of a big whopper and correcting it…and its embarrassing tripping on your own words…darn…but da feeling of absence of guilt you get afterwards…well let me be a freak and tell you…it feels good…absolutely possitively sleep-easy-at-night good...
Friday, May 18, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
And the little star fish lived happily ever after....
“Live for the one you love…love like no one has loved…give…asking for nothing in return…”
don’t get me wrong but I am NOT a huge fan of the lady who sings this song but as simple as these words are they are absolutely true…
I had a conversation with a few friends…we were discussing our country…something we seem to do a lot these days…some of us wanted to up and leave…obviously the situation is such that its crazy to think of staying and trying to build a life for yourself in Sri Lanka…and then there were the few of us who felt out roots went too deep to just up and plant ourselves in richer soil…matters of perspective…for me just thinking of not returning to this country starts a pain in my chest…isn’t that silly?…but more than anything…its scary…staring into the ocean and knowing in your heart that you will never feel safe anywhere else on earth…knowing that even if you take flight and rendezvous around the world you would never be looking for greener pastures…but perhaps knowledge and experience you will bring back….little seeds to grow into pastures of there own…on a land you love more than anything you have encountered in life…it scares me even now when I think about it…my friend B said...you should never be attached to anything too much in your life…absolutely…I couldn’t agree more…attachment is the cause of suffering...
I don’t consider myself to be exceptionally brave nor exceptionally patriotic…but something makes me hurt inside when I look at the little children on the pavement sharing food with the dogs and flies…it hurts turning away from a little beggar boy because I cant give him money because I know there is a probability that he would use it for weed or worse…it hurts looking at the milk that wash to the shores with the waves in Kirinda knowing that I cant live without this…knowing that it’s a miracle the same waves that break onto the road with such force that the tar breaks into little peaces, can still gently lap at your feet covering them in foam…it hurts…the little ironies of life…Lord Buddha was spot on when he said that its what we love the most that gives us the most pain…
What can I do about it?? I cant carry a gun and walk to battle with my fellow men…I wish I were brave enough to do that…the painful truth is I’m not…I wish I could sit with those little children and tell them…you’re my future…you will know what I know now in a few years…you will see the world in a different perspective…I will do that…
About the pain…all I can do is meditate…reality is such that you cant help all the little star fish that get washed upon the shore, and helping one will not make your frustration any less…but with time and great practice you learn to tell your mind that…you will get to the other star fish...but for the moment you made a worlds’ difference to that one…
don’t get me wrong but I am NOT a huge fan of the lady who sings this song but as simple as these words are they are absolutely true…
I had a conversation with a few friends…we were discussing our country…something we seem to do a lot these days…some of us wanted to up and leave…obviously the situation is such that its crazy to think of staying and trying to build a life for yourself in Sri Lanka…and then there were the few of us who felt out roots went too deep to just up and plant ourselves in richer soil…matters of perspective…for me just thinking of not returning to this country starts a pain in my chest…isn’t that silly?…but more than anything…its scary…staring into the ocean and knowing in your heart that you will never feel safe anywhere else on earth…knowing that even if you take flight and rendezvous around the world you would never be looking for greener pastures…but perhaps knowledge and experience you will bring back….little seeds to grow into pastures of there own…on a land you love more than anything you have encountered in life…it scares me even now when I think about it…my friend B said...you should never be attached to anything too much in your life…absolutely…I couldn’t agree more…attachment is the cause of suffering...
I don’t consider myself to be exceptionally brave nor exceptionally patriotic…but something makes me hurt inside when I look at the little children on the pavement sharing food with the dogs and flies…it hurts turning away from a little beggar boy because I cant give him money because I know there is a probability that he would use it for weed or worse…it hurts looking at the milk that wash to the shores with the waves in Kirinda knowing that I cant live without this…knowing that it’s a miracle the same waves that break onto the road with such force that the tar breaks into little peaces, can still gently lap at your feet covering them in foam…it hurts…the little ironies of life…Lord Buddha was spot on when he said that its what we love the most that gives us the most pain…
What can I do about it?? I cant carry a gun and walk to battle with my fellow men…I wish I were brave enough to do that…the painful truth is I’m not…I wish I could sit with those little children and tell them…you’re my future…you will know what I know now in a few years…you will see the world in a different perspective…I will do that…
About the pain…all I can do is meditate…reality is such that you cant help all the little star fish that get washed upon the shore, and helping one will not make your frustration any less…but with time and great practice you learn to tell your mind that…you will get to the other star fish...but for the moment you made a worlds’ difference to that one…
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