About Mistakes.......

Some say they wouldn't change any of the mistakes they made in life.....because it's those mistakes that moulded them into who they are....for me.....there are a few mistakes i wish i could take back....because inspite of them teaching me the biggest lessons in life......it took something precious away.....like the laughter in the eyes of a good friend.....the warmth of love.....the beauty of honesty and trust.......

and….then there are the big whoppers…… mistakes that teach us the wrong lessons….the lessons we don’t want to learn in life…..like how NOT to trust….how NOT to love….how NOT to let your guard down…..how NOT to depend on anyone….

And then you break a heart…..you mistrust someone…….you hurt someone….that doesn’t feel like a mistake….because we learnt how to self-preserve……and there is no going back after that….everything after that is shrugged off…..as circumstantial riffraff…..

A long time ago in a large conference room in a tiny hotel in south of England a little grey haired man told me…..forget the lessons …..forget the moulding….the crafting…..the scars…..the cuts…..forget all the marks that life left upon you…..shed the layers and layers of rust that has built.....go back to who you were before “THEY” came into the picture…..live your life like a child…..a child who dreams of growing silver wings and flying into the blue blue sky……live your life like you walk on air…..like water’s something you breath in…..like the ground is only for you to lay down to sleep……

Life is huge……so huge….and so beyond our comprehension…..but when we let our mistakes push us around……we let them shove us back…..a few steps back….in which time we could have leapt a few steps ahead…..

Life in full blast is ethereal……it’s like leaping off the edge and discovering you can float…as light as a feather...with the air flowing right through you…..right through your veins……if you let it…..it will accept you….mistakes and all…..

but….first…….you need to forgive yourself…..mistakes and all…….

Living Two Lives.....

You know the feeling of being stuck between a rock and a hard place? well try being stuck between a rock and a soft bed of roses......and you can't let go of the former because it adds perspective to your life and somehow justifies the path you chose to walk on...and to forget the biting harshness of it....you escape to the bliss of millions of petals...... i dream about it you know.... the softness....the fragrance that slowly and stealthily creeps into your veins.....into every pore of your body that has been brutalized by the rock.....i bet this is what salvation feels like....stepping into heaven after crawling through the rubbish of earth..... you'd be surprised to know that i'm talking about work......my livelihood.....well my 'fulltime' one anyways......believe me when i say i love the work that i do......but what's sad is that i can never find anything in common with anyone around me.....these people stare at a laptop 24 7 like ginormous spiders awaiting their prey.....silent......ignorant of all else except the tiny fly that lands in front of them......ignorant.....and gradually they have converted me into an arthropod.....it's very rarely i feel human around them..... wow....that sounded a little harsh.....but this is me.....i'm used to painting, drawing, brain storming, strategizing......15 minutes of intense wok wok up their and your running around with a plan.....the bustle.....life......i'm used to life......but now LIFE happens on weekends.......anything that i say or do makes sense on weekends......so why do i still do it?? there's no justifyig it......but let me make atleast a lame attempt......i like my brain......i like the fact that it gets whopping ideas that make ppl sit and contemplate for a few minutes.....i like catching ppl off-guard.....i like watchin them wonder how smone as crazy as me can be good at what i do.....well i am.....on both accounts......and the bruising......i get my TLC on my weekends.....my bouncy beautiful bed of roses.......in walks life and all the rest that comes with it....... like i told my best friend.......time will come......this in only for NOW.......time WILL come.....but sometimes i wonder if it's all an excuse i make.....simply cos i like my rock.....the bark....the bite and all......hmmm......